Along with her stories, Samantha is clearly playing with the make-believe world more and more lately. The other day, she told me there was a rabbit in our kitchen. I said, "Really? Will you go get it and bring it to me?" She came back with cupped hands and said LOOK, MOMMY. I said, "Hello, rabbit. May I hold you? What is your name? Oh, he won't answer me. Samantha, did you give him a name?" HMMMM. HMMMM. GUACAMOLE. "Hello, Guacamole. That is a nice name. I can't see you because you are a pretend rabbit, but it's nice to meet you." Then I turned to Samantha and said something about how it was fun to make up an imaginary rabbit named Guacamole. She beamed.
Believe it or not, some parents would call this "lying," and would punish their children for it.
We got into the make-believe issue a little bit in the comments on my TV post and at Rational Jenn's post that inspired it. I haven't yet sensed any danger in letting Sam explore the pretend, the imaginary, and the make-believe. I've read that children have a hard time distinguishing between reality and their imaginations (especially dreams) until they are quite a bit older than Sam, so I've got to assume that she doesn't completely get the concept. However, it seems clear to me that she will learn precisely by using her imagination, pretending things are real, and seeing what happens. I've been labeling things as "pretend," "imaginary," and "made-up" for a while now, but I don't make a big deal about it. Last October when we looked at Halloween pictures of, say, a cat, a Jack-o-lantern, and a ghost, I would name them and then tell her that ghosts aren't real and leave it at that. She also likes to talk about "monsters." I think a monster, to her, is something that growls, so there's really not much pretend going on there yet, but sometimes I'll say, "Daddy is pretending to be a monster." I'm just trying to use the word "pretend" in different contexts so that she get an idea that there is something specific going on.
It's interesting that Sam's more intense exploration of her imagination coincides with her development of fears. Her mind must have enough data now to move from simply identification, to projection of possibilities. I wish I knew more about epistemology and child psychology because this is really starting to get interesting!
This is such a fun stage! Enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteI also wish I knew more about epistemology and child psychology, because this stage is so interesting. I do know it's very normal for kids to explore fantasy and reality and I've seen in my older two kids that it is sometimes hard for them to tell the difference between pretend and real. When they're playing pretend, I might go along with it or casually mention the "pretend" aspect of it, as you did. Depends on the context--sometimes the child gets mad if I mention "pretend" which is my cue to shut up!
I look at it as them exploring the limits of reality, just the way they test other limits--if I wish something hard enough, will it come true?
Another part of it seems to be connected with the self-identity stage they hit around 3--who am I? What do I like? What can I be? That's when (IME) the costumes and the characters seem to turn up. Morgan became a dog just before she turned 3--and it hasn't really let up since. Ryan became what we called the "peopleguy du jour"--complete with costumes and accessories. He has moved past the stage where he tries to become the peopleguy and is now "I'm Ryan and this is my job: soldier/carpenter/gardener, etc." (I'm not sure if I've explained the distinction well enough.) Anyway, he's separated his own identity from his fantasies a bit more--he still lives in Imagination Land, but spends more time on Planet Reality, too. :o)
I think it's fun and I play along when I'm permitted to! And if I thought someone's fantasy was leading them to do something dangerous, that's when I step in and say "You know Spider-Man is just pretend. Real people can't stick to walls like he can so you need to climb down from there now." That's practically a direct quote there.
I think the make-believe phase is a lot of fun - and a way to gain insight into what is going on in your child's mind, when they can't really talk about all their emotions yet.
ReplyDeleteKarina does a lot of make-believe play with her teddy bear 'Baba' and her 'Tigger' - and often times, it shows what's going on on her mind. I could tell, for example, that she felt a bit rejected when her little brother arrived - she'd push Tigger and Baba away, and say 'I don't want Tigger and Baba, go away.' Then she'd take them back, and nurse them, and put them to bed, and talk to them just the way I talk to Henrik. (That's funny - to hear her say things in the same tone of voice, same exact words I use: 'Baba, you can't be hungry - you just ate! Are you tired? Do you want your binky? Here you go, chubby boy!')
We also use pretend play with those two best friends to get her used to new things - like pretend potty time, or pretend hair cutting before her first hair cut, or examinations and shots for her friends (including band-aids) prior to going to the doctor for immunizations. Seems to help her get her little mind around things that are happening in her world.
Sam has 2 best friends too: Girl and Kayla. She has plenty of other figurines, dolls, and animals, but these 2 always stick together and always get the most play time. She used to give them time-outs but that is finally fading. Now she mostly puts them down for nap. Unfortunately, she also yells at them, HEY, YOU TWO! SIT DOWN. Or, HEY, YOU TWO! BE NICE. I think they must say that a lot at her day care. It's funny how it's always "you two."
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