- It started out grey and rainy, but ended up clear and crisp.
- I was pulled over for running a yellow light, but the policeman just gave me a warning.
- Before noon, I had to deal with yogurt in Sammy's hair, 4 (count 'em, 4!) poopy potty accidents, pee purposely dumped out of the potty on to the carpet, the paper towels used to clean the pee put into the toilet, and an hour-long adventure in getting a 3-year-old to put on her pants which destroyed the entire morning. But Sammy and I had a great afternoon getting tons of stuff done and having a fun time doing it. And she successfully pooped in the potty 3 times.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
On an Upward Swing
Three Good Things for the day:
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I vote for the judicious use of force on the potty training business. You're being played.
ReplyDeleteShould I squeeze it out of her?
ReplyDeleteI'm a first time visitor (nice blog - love the light pulls!) I noticed your thread on potty training, and Jon's comment. I think you're being played, too. I wonder if it's an ensemble tune, though - from the way you describe how you are emphasizing the negative side of the problem (calling her on accidents, clean up woes, etc.). Sometimes negative attention is attractive enough to be a reward of kinds. She plays her part and you respond with yours? Not as happy as other duets, but a duet nonetheless - and one she is largely in control of? One of my twins was difficult to train for poop. I tried reward charts, playful non-specific bathroom routines (songs, toys), 'motivating' underpants, scheduled sitting sessions, etc. In the end, I abandoned all of that for close observation of when she was most likely to be capable of pooping, then going together to "try", sitting with her quietly and observing and encouraging her physical volitional actions (pushing it out!), and praising her wildly when she succeeded. I learned something that previous months of trying all that other stuff didn't reveal: she was a little afraid of it - pushing poop out of her body into what felt like open space was unsettling - definitely her least preferred way to do it. My quiet observation and encouragement about the volitional physical act was what got her through to behaving appropriately. I kept the emphasis on her primary job (not to avoid accidents, keep her clothes clean, make less work for Mommy, get a sticker on a chart, etc.) but just to push the poop out into the toilet. Pooping is largely under volitional control - unlike peeing (a full bladder can rarely be denied, even for girls - and we all acquire behavioral "let down" reflexes for pee; poop is another matter). Somewhere I read that it takes +/-23 repetitions to acquire a habit. I remember my goal was to narrow our focus to the key volitional act until she'd done it at least 23 times without accidents. It worked.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cheryl. We definitely have allowed ourselves to become frustrated at times, but that is not the norm. We've also tried everything you describe. Sammy almost never succeeds if we are in the room. She succeeds when either 1) the poop starts coming out, I notice, and help her get to the potty and then leave the room, or 2) I am not involved at all. I don't think she is afraid because the few times I have observed, she is thrilled and excited as it is happening. The rewards are helping a little bit. It's the only thing that has helped at all. When she went through the stage where she pooped every single day at school, the thing that stopped her was my offer to take her out to lunch if she was clean. Of course, she just held it and made the mess at home, but the point is that she needed external motivation to do anything about it at all. She just doesn't seem to care if she poops in her underwear, and that's what I can't seem to figure out. I mean, if she doesn't care, then there doesn't seem like there is anything I can do.
ReplyDeleteWhen she does have an accident, I've tried everything from yelling at her, to just completely ignoring it and cleaning up silently, to sympathizing, to explaining about germs, and it doesn't seem to matter. Really, I am completely stumped, so we just go on and on.