Grown Up

An old friend contacted me through Facebook the other day.  I worked with her in the mid-nineties when I was doing software development.  She had a young daughter at the time and was a bit older than me.  We weren't very close but I liked her, and she said one thing to me that I still think about quite often.  When I was about to turn 30 and expressed some surprise that I could be so old, she told me that her thirties were a great decade and that I would love my thirties.  She might have told me why, but I don't remember what she said.  I just remember that I was surprised to hear that somebody was happier when they were older.  Most people don't talk that way. 

Since then, any time that I get that scary, I'm-getting-old feeling, I recall her words.  I've always thought those people who pine for the good ol' days of high school or college were morons.  They always seem to talk about how easy life was "back then," but they forget that they chose the additional responsibilities in order to gain values:  marriage, kids, a house, a career.  These things are values you have to work for, and bemoaning the effort is just childish.  The effort is part of what makes these things values to begin with.  Seeking the unearned is the most direct route to unhappiness.

I was pretty clear on how much better life was in my twenties than in my teens, but I didn't translate it to my thirties until my friend prompted me.  Life really is better now, and there's no reason to think it won't get even better in my forties.  The first thing my friend wrote to me on Facebook was, "So, like, you're a mom and married and all grown up."  Yes, I am.  Nice to be here.