The Tyranny of the GPS

For Independence Day weekend, we took a short trip to North Carolina to visit my parents, where they are staying in their RV for about a month.  This was our first road trip with our new friend, GeePee, the GPS.

I felt bound to name the machine after I heard how my parents talk about their own "Carmen":  "Carmen told us to take the 123 but we didn't listen,"  "I was just doing what Carmen told me to," etc.  If you're going to anthropomorphize a machine, the GPS is a fun one.  It might also be a solution for road rage, as people can now just yell at their GPS devices instead of other drivers:  "Goddamn it - that's the wrong way!" or "How was I supposed to get over in time to make that turn, you stupid machine?"  I mean, somebody has to be the scapegoat for our bad driving, so why not a computer?

You'd think that having a virtual back-seat-driver would eliminate the need for real ones.  But when Adam was driving us back to the campground after fireworks on the Fourth, none of us could resist telling him where he should turn or which way would be faster.  Oh well, I guess technology can't solve all our problems, after all.

Our GPS doesn't have traffic information and we forgot to check before we left, so we probably didn't take the best route out of DC.  Since we had consciously decided to let GeePee guide us, we didn't bring maps or make alternate plans like we might have otherwise, and we didn't have much of an idea of where exactly we were going.  That was a mistake, since we got caught in tunnel traffic near the Outer Banks area.  We tried pressing the "Detour" button on GeePee but I guess we didn't trust him quite as much as we thought we did because we chickened out of actually changing course.  Next time, GeePee, I promise, I'll listen!

We sure spent a lot of time fiddling with GeePee.  On our way home, we wanted to get off the freeway so we tried the "Avoid Highways" function, but it would have taken us way out of our way.  When we tried to turn off that function, we found a bug in the software which threatened to keep us on surface streets forever - the menus were not displayed properly and it wouldn't let us go back to normal mode.  You mean, we can never drive on the freeway again, GeePee?  Please, don't do this to us!  Fortunately, Adam was bright enough to find the "Restore Defaults" button on another menu and we were back in business.  But then, how could we get it to guide us up Highway 1 instead of the I-95?  I tried entering intersections, I tried to "Detour," and I tried who knows what else.  Finally, we just left it alone and listened to "Recalculating" for 2 hours as we fought our way back to DC on a Sunday afternoon at the end of a holiday weekend.  God forbid we turn off the machine!  Do you think somebody might have programmed an Easter Egg in there so that if you reach 1000 instances of "Recalculating," the machine will instead start saying "Why'd you buy me anyway?"

The defining moment of our travels occurred on that drive home.  We'd been stuck on the streets of Fredericksburg for about 20 minutes when a man in a truck in the lane to the right of us rolled down his window.  He said, and I quote: "Excuse me sir.  My GPS is telling me to turn left and no one will let me in.  Will you let me in so I can turn? I only have point-six miles to go and no one would let me in so I thought I'd ask someone."  Talk about an appeal to authority!

I think that's when Adam started talking back:

GeePee:  In point-two miles, turn left on Courthouse Road.
Adam:  No!  I reject the tyranny of the GPS!
GeePee:  Turn left on Courthouse Road.
Adam:  No!  I tell you, no!

It's a contentious relationship, but we're working on it.