The Little Things

 

“Pick your battles.”

 

You hear this advice everywhere when you have a toddler.  It’s great advice, don’t get me wrong, but putting it into action takes some skill and practice.  Take diaper changes, for example.  They have to happen.  And at some point, most babies are going to fight them.  Initially, I made the mistake of insisting that diaper changes happen on my terms.  If I thought it was time for a new diaper, then my daughter, Samantha, needed to cooperate.  I used all kinds of games and toys to make it fun and it usually worked.  But sometimes it didn’t.  What was I going to do, strap her down? 

 

I thought about it and realized that, while the diaper change did have to happen, maybe it didn’t have to happen the instant my nose told me it did.  Maybe I needed to give a little.  If she wasn’t ready, I could deal with leaking-poop-paranoia for a while.  What I wasn’t going to compromise on, though, was getting her cooperation once we started the diaper change.  This is actually pretty easy to accomplish – I just never start a diaper change in combat mode.  If she’s fighting it, we just keep trying different things until I sense she will cooperate.

 

This morning Samantha did not want her diaper changed.  Our routine is to change the diaper before breakfast since the morning diaper is always in imminent danger of exploding.  However, sometimes she wakes up so hungry she just can’t deal with a delay, and I suspected this was one of those mornings. 

 

“Samantha: first diaper, second breakfast.”  (This works surprisingly often, but not today).

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

“How about we change your diaper on the couch?”  

Furious head shaking.  

“Would you like to play with the stickers while I change your diaper?” 

No-no-no-no-no-no. 

“Would you like a piece of cheese while I change your diaper?”

Yes-no-yes-no-no-no-no-no.  (Hmmm, we’re getting somewhere). 

“I know you’re hungry, so why don’t you try a piece of cheese?” 

And finally, I get a clear nod of the head, yes! 

 

I get the cheese and ask her to come to the changing pad which is on the living room floor. 

NO-NO-NO-NO-NO! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!

 

She is not coming near that changing pad and that’s it.  I tell her to let me know when she is ready and I spend a few minutes ignoring her while I drink some coffee and check my e-mail. 

 

After a few more tries like this, I’m starting to get worried that she’s going to get so hungry she has a full-blown tantrum.  In desperation, I tell her, “Samantha, I’m going to give you the cheese now because I know you’re very hungry, and then we’ll change your diaper.  First cheese, second diaper.”  I give her the cheese and go back to my e-mail, feeling like a sell-out.  After a minute, I turn around and she is sitting on the changing pad, eating the cheese!  I almost burst with happiness.  This was the first time she had ever sat down on the changing pad on her own.  I hadn’t sold out – I had shown her some respect – and she had shown me some in return.  It was one of those moments you live for as a parent. 

 

I don’t tell you this story as a lesson about picking your battles, or showing your child respect.  I have something else in mind.  Parenting is a moment-to-moment job.  That doesn’t mean you give up your principles or sacrifice the future for the sake of the present.  All the little things you do each day should add up to a whole that does express your principles.  But you live in those moments.  Those moments are both the method by which you live the kind of life you choose, and the reward for doing so.  This is true in all aspects of life, but parenting really drives the lesson home.  The moment I had with my daughter this morning made me want to yell, “This is what it’s all about!” 

 

I want to feel this way about all of my moments.  I’m working on it.  Writing about The Little Things is one way I intend to keep learning.

 

 

The Sam Update - Eighteen Months Old*

I'm a few weeks late with Sam's 18 month update because we have been very busy.  You'll have to wait 4 more paragraphs too, while I tell you about all the other things going on with us.  

 

As you probably know, we are now in Lexington, Virginia, where Adam is teaching at Washington and Lee Law School.  We absolutely love it here.  Lexington is an old town at the south end of the Shenandoah Valley with beautiful buildings and a cute, touristy downtown area.  We live on a hill in farmland with a 360 degree view of the Blue Ridge and Allegheny mountains.  There are 3 horses on our property.  They hang out right near the house and we see them every day.  We'll get to ride them soon, now that spring is here.  I feel like I'm on a 5 month vacation - it's just wonderful.

 

Adam received 3 job offers and since we just can't get seem to get enough of moving around, we chose the one we didn't visit:  George Mason University!  But seriously, GMU is the perfect law school for Adam.  I believe that working there is going to set his career on fire and allow him to have a great impact on the law.  Of course we feel quite a bit of sadness leaving Michigan and MSU.  We both loved MSU, Adam as law prof. and I as student.  We will miss our friends there and the absolutely gorgeous spring, summer, and fall (all 6 months of it).  ;)

 

GMU is located in Arlington, VA, so we'll be living just outside of Washington DC.   We'll probably move some time in May and rent for at least a year to get the lay of the land.  I love visiting DC and we're excited about taking Sam to see the museums and monuments as she grows older.  We have a lot of friends in the area too.  I know we'll get a lot more visitors in DC than we did in Michigan.  We'll make sure we have a guest room!  I think there is a very good chance we'll stay in DC for a really long time. 

 

We just got back from a trip to Florida.  My parents are working at Disneyworld for the winter and we spent a few days there with them.  After Disney, we visited Adam's parents in St. Petersburg.  Sam was sick so the whole trip was very difficult, but it was nice to see family.

 

So what is Sam up to lately?  She is finally walking!  I guess she was waiting until she could do it well before taking the leap because she hardly falls at all.  Right away, she could maneuver around objects, stand still, carry objects, and look all around her without losing her balance.  Now she wants to walk everywhere, so I'm entering a new phase with her.  Luckily, spring is here and we'll be able to go on many long walks and spend time at the playgrounds.  She also loves to chase us around the house.  We play hide and seek too.  It's a lot of fun and it wears her out, which is good!

 

She says a word here and there, but doesn't seem interested in using them regularly.  She continues to learn new signs, though, and we communicate very well.  A big change is that, along with shaking her head "no," she can now nod "yes."  This is a huge leap and makes it so much easier to communicate.

 

Sam is very interested in the letters of the alphabet.  We got her a toy that "speaks" the sounds of the letters and she's been working on them.  She can identify many letters in her books when asked.  We have no intention of pushing her to read early or anything like that - this is coming purely from her own interest.  But that's no big surprise considering how much Adam and I love to read, and how often we read to Sam.

 

She can also identify many common objects in her books.  I like to ask her "where is the flower" (or whatever object I see) on a page of a book of which I've never pointed out the flower.  She can find these things most of the time if she's been shown the object in other forms.  I love to see that conceptual faculty developing!

 

One of the sweetest things is that she now gives us real hugs and kisses.  She is so cuddly now!  When she was an infant, she preferred not to be held.  Now she sometimes just wants to sit close with us, and she'll even walk across the room just to get a hug.  She likes to kiss her stuffed animals too, which is too cute for words.

 

So, we're doing pretty well overall.  All of this moving around has been very stressful and we're really excited to move on to the next phase of our lives.  I'll send you all our new address as soon as we have one.  Wish us luck and keep in touch!

 

*Disclaimer:  The Sam Update began as a series of e-mails sent to family and friends starting when Sam was less than a month old.  To keep the chronology I've faked the dates here on the blog to reflect when the updates were actually written.  They were really added to the blog in May 2008, with just a bit of editing.  All subsequent entries will be posted directly to the blog.

The Sam Update - Fifteen Months Old*

It seems like a long time since I last wrote.  At that time, we had just arrived in San Diego, and now we're about to leave for Lexington, Virginia.  It's a crazy time for the Mossoffs, but Samantha is doing just fine with all the changes.  We try to keep up with routines and rituals, and to always tell her what's going to happen so that she has some security.  I think it's much easier to move around like this now than it would be when she is older. 

 

We managed to visit a lot of people we know in Southern California while we were here.  My parents were able to spend quite a bit of time with us, too, which was great.  We have loved the weather here, and the fires didn't get anywhere near us.  We are now enjoying some high surf conditions and the beach across the street is crowded with surfers every day.  A few days ago we had lunch in the park and it felt like a mild summer day - just lovely.  

 

Samantha is so different than she was three months ago, but it's mostly in the details and hard to describe.  A lot of it is communication.  She understands so much of what we say, and her sign language helps her talk back.  The only words she speaks consistently are mama, dada, and no, which is always expressed as "nonononono."  But she learns signs for just about anything that is important to her.  It's interesting how, if it doesn't matter to her, she'll just never pick up a sign.  She has strong preferences for all kinds of things now - food, toys, books, etc.  When she wants something, you know it!  She also points and verbalizes in a way that we, as her parents, understand even if they are not true words.  

 

She took her first steps in mid-November and she's taking an independent step or two every day now.  She can walk with a "push toy" which is just a little thing with wheels and a handle that helps her balance.  She can also walk holding on to one of our hands.  She LOVES to walk!  I think she'll be walking on her own within a month or two.  She likes to scribble with any kind of writing device.  She knows what most objects around her are for - when she picks up any brush, she puts it to her hair, when she picks up a tissue she puts it to her nose, she likes to try to mop the floor with the mop, and sometimes she tries to wipe her own bottom.  This is a big change - in the past, the objects were interesting in and of themselves but now she is beginning to understand purpose and function.  She is also crazy about bath time now that she is old enough for the big tub.  Every time we go past the bathroom she signs "bath" and I have to tell her "not now - later."  That's what we get for teaching her sign language!

 

Sam recently had surgery on her eyes to unblock her tear ducts.  It went perfectly and it was a really easy procedure.  Her eyes are much better now so it was worth it.  She got her first 6 teeth in the past 3 months, too.  She looks so different with teeth.  Her hair is coming in but it will still be a while before she stops looking bald.  Between her lack of hair and her small size, people usually think she's about 9 months old.      

 

One of the best things we did recently was to visit a "Candy Cane Lane" - a block of homes that go all out on the Christmas decorations.  Since this is Southern California and warm enough to be outdoors at night, it's designed to be walked through instead of just driven by.  We all enjoyed it, but Sam was just in heaven!  She loved the lights and characters such as Santa and Frosty.  This is her first Christmas with any real awareness of what's going on around her and it's so exciting for us!

 

We're spending Christmas with friends in Richmond, then heading out to Lexington around New Years.  We don't have time for Christmas cards this year, so I'll take this opportunity to wish you all a joyous Christmas and a prosperous New Year.  Wish us well as we continue our adventures, and I'll write again in a few months.

 

*Disclaimer:  The Sam Update began as a series of e-mails sent to family and friends starting when Sam was less than a month old.  To keep the chronology I've faked the dates here on the blog to reflect when the updates were actually written.  They were really added to the blog in May 2008, with just a bit of editing.  All subsequent entries will be posted directly to the blog.

The Sam Update - One Year Old*

It's nice to be writing to you all again.  We are settled in San Diego and finally feeling a bit normal again.   It was a terrible trip which lasted almost 2 months and I won't say another word about it except to say we won't do it that way again when we go to Virginia in December.   We've sold our house in Michigan which is a financial relief but which makes us sad, too.  San Diego is nice.  Adam is enjoying his "visit" at USD and there is a lot of great stuff to do right near us.   We live across the street from the ocean and walk out on to the cliffs to watch the sun set quite often.  There is a dog park and a dog beach for Toby nearby.   There is supposed to be a lot of great stuff to do with kids, but I haven't had time for much of that yet.

 

Now on to the news you're all waiting for.  Samantha is doing great!   She seems to get more adorable every day.   Since I last wrote, she has started signing about 6 words.  (We've been teaching her sign language to help her communicate before she can speak.)   She verbally says "mama" and "dada" and "ball" and is really working on some others like "Jinx," (our cat) but I think she's a bit too ambitious there.   She definitely gets frustrated when she wants something but can't express it or do anything about it.  She throws temper tantrums by flinging herself backwards (hitting her head on the floor quite often) and screaming.   This may not sound adorable and when it happens I don't think so either, but I do know that it's just part of her development and I smile about it at the end of the day when she's asleep.   It's difficult to know how much to help her and how much to let her be, but I'm enjoying trying to figure it all out.

 

She is still not crawling or walking, but apparently that is not too unusual.  Here's the interesting part, though.   We're renting a guest house from the Martins, a family with 3 kids, one of whom is just a month younger than Sam.  Charlie was crawling like crazy when we got here and Sam was doing nothing but reaching and leaning.   She had never even turned herself around or given any indication that she wanted to move.  But once she saw Charlie, she started trying for the first time.   Now she scoots around on her bottom and slides around on her tummy.  She can go in all directions but forward, poor girl, which often leads to the tantrums I mentioned.   Sometimes she'll spin in circles a few times and end up where she wants to go, which is quite cute.  She's doing pretty well with the standing with support, but still hasn't figured out how to pull herself up or take steps while holding on to things.   We put her a bit behind with the travels - she didn't get to practice any of this stuff for most of those 2 months (would you put a baby on a cheap hotel room carpet...yick!) - but she's having a lot of fun with it now.

 

The three Martin kids, Sierra (almost 6), Jack (4), and Charlie (11 months) are sweet, wonderful kids.   I feel so lucky that our Sam gets to spend time with them while we're here.  We've been doing some things with them here and there - going to the park or to dinner or just swimming or hanging out.  

 

Sam cut her first tooth just a few days ago - I was surprised at how sharp it is, and also at how excited I was to see it.   She eats just about anything that is soft, and it seems like I'm feeding her all day long.  She's still a tiny girl, though.  I guess she was doomed to be small and slow since both Adam and I were that way as babies.  

 

For Sam's first birthday, I started a tradition of putting helium balloons on her ceiling in the middle of the night so she would wake up to them.   She LOVES balloons.  She calls them "baaa" just like balls, although sometimes it sounds more like two syllables:   "baoooo."  She recognizes balloons in books, too.  We spent her birthday with my parents in Temecula, where they were staying at the time.  We swam and opened presents and had cake.   It was a really great day.

 

*Disclaimer:  The Sam Update began as a series of e-mails sent to family and friends starting when Sam was less than a month old.  To keep the chronology I've faked the dates here on the blog to reflect when the updates were actually written.  They were really added to the blog in May 2008, with just a bit of editing.  All subsequent entries will be posted directly to the blog.

The Sam Update - Nine Months Old*

This will probably be my last monthly e-mail update, partially because this can't go on forever, and partially because we're moving to San Diego in two weeks and I'll be busy.  I'll definitely send out an update when Sam turns a year old.

 

Samantha is doing all sorts of fun things these days.  She can stand up holding on to furniture now, but hasn't yet started "cruising," which means walking around while holding on to things for balance.  Just seeing her standing without my help blew me away.  She hasn't crawled, so it felt to me like she went from baby to almost-toddler in an instant.  Also, she's so small (fifth percentile) that it looks more like she's a really advanced 5 month old...kind of surreal.  I wish I had gotten a photo of it for this update. 

 

She started eating Cheerios this month, which was a bigger milestone than I had expected.  It's nice to bring a bag of cereal around and know that I can keep her full and occupied so easily.  She still doesn't have any teeth, though.

 

Sam has been into poking everything with her thumbs lately.  I think that started when she learned how to purposefully push buttons.  She can work the remote for our ceiling fan and we bought her a toy cell phone which she loves and which annoys us with beeping sounds. 

 

We started giving her instructions and telling her "no" a couple of months ago, and it seems that she is now at the point where she can follow quite a bit.  Using sign language along with instructions helps a lot, although she has not made her first sign yet.  (We think she is now waving when we wave at her, but it's hard to tell if she is just reaching.)  But now is definitely the time when we need to start giving her boundaries, which is a big change for us.  We had started falling into the trap of going the easy way and allowing her to play with anything and touch anything if it interested her, and just taking things away when they were unsafe.  But we don't want to parent that way.  We want her to start learning that we have expectations for her behavior.  I had no idea when it would be appropriate to begin but I can tell now that she is ready.  She is already learning not to pull my earrings (yea - I can wear jewelry again!) or my hair, and she is learning not to put things in her mouth when I tell her no.  For now, we give her gentle instruction and no "punishment" and she mostly doesn't seem to mind being told no, although she'll give us the occasional whiny scream of frustration and it passes in a moment.  It is a wonderful feeling when she responds because it is so clear that we are communicating.  And I thought it was great when the dog listened to me!

 

Finally, the thing we probably love the most is that Sam now turns the pages of her books.  The small cardboard books are the best - we pull one page out a bit and she grabs it and turns it.  She used to grab at books any which way and sometimes turn pages right to left or just close the book or put it in her mouth.  Now, she understands the left to right process and can grab the one page and pull it over.  She seems to know when to turn it as we're reading too.  Sometimes she'll turn the pages throughout a whole book.  It's so amazing!

 

I've started working out again, which is great.  I really need the time for myself.  Hopefully I'll be able to continue during our travels.  The weather has been great and we've been going on a lot of walks.  We took Sam to her second wedding last weekend and we had a blast dancing with her.  She also attended her first live musical, "1776." 

 

*Disclaimer:  The Sam Update began as a series of e-mails sent to family and friends starting when Sam was less than a month old.  To keep the chronology I've faked the dates here on the blog to reflect when the updates were actually written.  They were really added to the blog in May 2008, with just a bit of editing.  All subsequent entries will be posted directly to the blog.

The Sam Update - Eight Months Old*

Our Sam is now 8 months old, and as I've probably said each month:  This is the BEST age!  But I really mean it this time.  :) 

 

The coolest thing Sam is doing now is leaning and looking around obstructions to watch something.  Also, when something disappears behind the left side of the sofa or other object, she looks to the right, expecting to see it come out the other side.  It's hard to convey why this is so meaningful, but Adam noted that part of it is that she has had to combine a few new skills to do it.  First, she has developed an understanding of object permanence - just because it is out of her sight does not mean the thing does not exist anymore.  (She's way ahead of many philosophers on this point!)  Next, she has the physical coordination to lean and twist and tilt her head.  Finally, she has learned that moving in those ways gains her a new perspective.  It's so exciting to watch her, and we really have to be careful because she's trying to lunge out of our arms.  She's surprisingly quick and strong! 

 

No teeth yet, but that doesn't stop her from being a great eater.  She likes everything but turkey so far.  And her hair is finally starting to come in.  I'm so curious to see what she'll look like with hair.  Her eyes are still blue - it would be nice if they stay that way or just get a bit greener, like Adam's.

 

We're using sign language pretty consistently now (just a few key words) and sometimes it seems like she understands.  She definitely understands a few verbal words like "no," "let go please," "legs down," and "arms up." 

 

Spring is finally here and we have been walking again.  Today I put Sam in her stroller facing forward for the first time.  Up until now she's been in her car seat which sits in the stroller facing the back.  She's been ready to sit normally for a while, but she is still really too small for the seat and straps, although we managed okay today.  She's only 14 pounds still - about 10th percentile.  She's always developmentally ready for things before she fits into them, but I told her being short is no big deal and her dad and I can tell her all about how to cope with it.  :)

 

I graduated this weekend.  I was the top student in my major of Applied Engineering Sciences (it's a combination of engineering and business classes.)  Dad and Deb Mossoff came and we had a great weekend. 

 

*Disclaimer:  The Sam Update began as a series of e-mails sent to family and friends starting when Sam was less than a month old.  To keep the chronology I've faked the dates here on the blog to reflect when the updates were actually written.  They were really added to the blog in May 2008, with just a bit of editing.  All subsequent entries will be posted directly to the blog.

The Sam Update - Seven Months Old*

I don't have time for my usual long-winded e-mail.  We've all been sick for the past couple of weeks and we're just getting better now.  I never knew how hard it was to be sick and caring for other sick people at the same time.  Thanks, mom, for all those times you did it for me.  Otherwise things are going well.  I'll catch up more next time.

 

*Disclaimer:  The Sam Update began as a series of e-mails sent to family and friends starting when Sam was less than a month old.  To keep the chronology I've faked the dates here on the blog to reflect when the updates were actually written.  They were really added to the blog in May 2008, with just a bit of editing.  All subsequent entries will be posted directly to the blog.